Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
