There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
