it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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