I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
