cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
