If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
