There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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