omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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