i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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