I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
