i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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