either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
