you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
