This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
