when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
