I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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