Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
