Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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