Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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