i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
