Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
