Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
