i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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