Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
