Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
