honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
