I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
foreskin is a definite game changer
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
