Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
