Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
