Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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