No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
