you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
