The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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