soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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