there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
