John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
