We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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