No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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