I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
