Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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