You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
