She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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