how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
