Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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