Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
