Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
