I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
