we're blogging at a bar
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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