He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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