if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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