my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
