What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
