i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
