i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
