SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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