in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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